After Nathan and I changed course to pursue domestic adoption, and then had the surprise visit from the Haitians, we settled into Christmas celebrations and anxiously waited for a phone call from our state agency to fill us in on next steps.
We are not good waiters.
Not like as in a restaurant. As in waiting. For stuff to happen. For people who have the information to tell us what our lives might look like in the future. So after a week, we called them. They reported that the next step was to take a mandatory training class which would take place some time starting in January. They would call and let us know when.
Ehhh. More waiting.
In the meantime, we had plenty to discuss. Like if we were going to be adopting or fostering. Seven years earlier when we had first discussed raising children who were not ours biologically, I had informed Nathan that I was not interested in foster care. My reasons were similar to many you’ve probably heard before. Reasons you might state yourself. Mainly, I didn’t think I could have a child placed in my home only to have it removed later. How could I love and nurture a child and then let it go? I would get too attached. I couldn’t fathom how I would navigate that kind of heartache.
Meanwhile on the way back home from a trip to Kentucky, we stopped to see dear friends who had adopted the year before. We were excited to catch up with them and meet their daughter. Since we were still at the beginning of the adoption process, we annoyed them with questions. At some point they asked if we were considering foster care or adoption only. Nathan looked at me with that you answer this, it’s your hangup look.
I remember Rebecca mentioning that they were interested in fostering when their daughter got older. And then she made a statement that has stuck in my head ever since. “Some kids just need a soft place to land while their parents get it together.”
Hmmm. I chewed on that for a while. And then I prayed about it.
I told God again how unsure I was about loving a child and then sending it off into the unknown. That it would break my heart to give one up that had become a part of my family. That I struggled with the unknowns and possible transitory situations that came with fostering. That I wasn’t sure I could handle my home becoming a revolving door of children.
And then He said something really profound.
This isn’t just about you, Beth.
Owww.
But He was right. This isn’t about what is comfortable for me. For the love, this process is demolishing every comfort zone I’ve ever embraced. This isn’t about what is safe. Or easy. Or assured. This isn’t about what will keep my heart feeling warm and fuzzy.
This is about the least of these. This is about children up the road from our homes who are living through hell. Who are scared. And beaten. And molested. And broken. This is about children who simply need a consistent parent figure to say you are worth it.
You are worth me possibly getting my heart broken in the process of loving you. You are worth my home being turned upside down while we all adjust to each other. You are worth extra laundry, extra cleaning, extra doctor visits, extra homework, extra diapers. Jesus died for you, precious one, so you are worth the room in my heart and life to love you. Even if it’s only for a time. Even if a little piece of me dies if you go away.
You are worth me getting too attached and the pain I will feel if you go.
Nothing about following Christ is tame or safe or easy. He often asks us to do things that are difficult and demanding.
But He is worth every sorrow we face.
We’ve decided to change directions from adoption only, to fostering too. That ain’t safe, folks. It’s not safe for my heart, or our checkbook, or our social life, or my sanity! I might get broken in this process. Every person who currently lives in my house will suffer. But if we suffer for another, we might look a little more like our Savior. And I want soo much to look like him. I want to love like He loved. With no thought of self, in order to redeem another.
So let’s stop shying away from serving them because we want to protect our hearts. Our hearts are already secure. They are eternally tied to the One who’s heart bled out for us. He can help us deal with a broken heart.
Let’s put our hearts on the line for those who don’t know Christ, because it’s not our hearts that are in danger.
It’s the infant who crawls around in a home with dirty drug needles on the floor and isn’t fed or held or changed. It’s the 4 month old baby girl who is slammed against the wall during a domestic dispute and the 2 year old who saw the whole thing. It’s the 13 year old girl who is being targeted by sex slave organizations because she has no one who cares where she is or what she is doing. It’s the 7 year old boy who hates the weekends because the only time he gets fed regularly is at school.
It’s their hearts and lives and eternity on the line.
Not mine.
“But let’s stop shying away from serving them because we want to protect our hearts. Our hearts are already secure. They are eternally tied to the One who’s heart bled out for us. He can help us deal with a broken heart. He’s been there and done that. Let’s put our hearts on the line for those who don’t know Christ. It’s not our hearts that are in danger.” <—– Yeah girl, that’s good stuff right there! Oh, and by the way, GPS stands for Group Preparation and Selection. 😉 Glad you came by BigHouse yesterday, and hope we can help y’all out as needed!
I love every word of this. So fiercely brave and these children need your courage! It’s a lot more simple and easy to say ‘I couldn’t do that’ — to Him, he knows our hearts and theirs — He will give you strength in those times when a part of you feels like it is dying through the loss. I’ve been there and the scars are still there – but I would do it over again forever to be their mama if only for a little while.
Wow, my wife and I just began the foster care journey with our first placement recently and this totally resonates with our own heart in this. Everywhere we go with the beautiful newborn the Lord has brought into our home, we get asked, “Are you adopting him?” We’re not there yet! We have no idea what the legal process holds for this little guy, but in the meantime, we’re going to love him like he’s our own… even knowing we may have our hearts deeply wounded at the end of the journey. Why? Because he needs the love and attachment right now… We’re the big kids here and if anybody is going to get hurt, I’d rather it was me, not him. Thank you for putting into words what we’ve been feeling and trying to explain, and thank You, Lord, for this amazing opportunity to love like You!
“We’re the big kids here and if anybody is going to get hurt, I’d rather it was me, not him.” Good word, right there!! We have a newborn placement, too. Always encouraging to hear from others who are traveling this road. Thanks for your comment!
I LOVE ALL OF THESE BEAUTIFUL WORDS.. ANYONE THAT CAN SACRAFICE HEARTACHE FOR A CHILD IS HEAVEN SENT. I HAVE 3 CHILDREN OF MY OWN AND WOULD STILL LOVE TO FOSTER CHILDREN. I JUST FEEL THAT I HAVE ALOT OF LOVE TO GIVE AND WHY NOT TEACH MY CHILDREN THE SAME. THAT NO MATTER THE SITUATION TO ALWAYS TRY AND HELP OUT A CHILD IN NEED , REGARDLESS IF IT DOES BREAK YOUR HEART. I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT I WAS MEANT TO SEE THIS TONIGHT AND I THANK YOU ALL FOR WHAT YOU DO FOR THESE CHILDREN AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL. IF ANYONE COULD HELP ME WITH A STARTING POINT PLEASE EMAIL ME @ reneegreene7@gmail.com .. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Wow. Your openness is beautiful! I will email you with some information about getting started. Praying for you as you consider this huge step for your family!
Renee that is so wonderful! I hope that you will find the support you need to get started and that you are blessed in the process of considering fostering. Know that your prayers now for the children and the families who are fostering are so needed as well. I was a foster mom for 15 months and had 13 foster children during that time. The need is so great. Thank you for seeking the heart of the Father!
You know how God does these thing of bringing sweet little connections at just the right time? Well, I think that just happened. I’m after you on YWFMW and I am SO glad! I am so thankful for you hear to consider whichever direction the Lord is leading you! I thought I might adopt from India someday. We talked about fostering, and then we did it, with a bang.
A year ago I did have to say good-bye to several children and it does still hurt but I haven’t regret a single day we spent being used by God for His purposes with them. We moved to foster (a bit unusual) and had 3 of our 5 children in our home plus up to 8 more foster children at a time. It ended up being too much and we had several reasons we needed to leave the ranch last year. I’ve spent much time healing, processing, grieving and just plain loving and soaking in His presence. YES it is hard. YES it is so very amazing and so desperately needed! May you and your family be blessed with strength & wisdom from our provider.
Are you familiar with Jason Johnson’s blog? Or All In Orphan care? GREAT blog posts there. I would love to connect with you more and hear how how this journey unfolds. Blessings!
I haven’t read Jason’s blog, but I’m going to check it out pronto. I appreciate your vulnerability and honesty about your fostering experience! I would love to connect with you, as well. You can send me an email via the contact form on the blog, or look me up on FB. We now have a two month old foster son. I wrote a post about that…”And Then It Got Real”. What a ride it’s been! Thank you for commenting.
“Jesus died for you, precious one, so you are worth the room in my heart and life to love you. Even if it’s only for a time. Even if a little piece of me dies if you go away. “
I needed to hear these words today. Thank you for sharing a piece of your life for the world to witness. It is my hope that this time in your life will draw you closer to being like Christ as you prepare to love a child with his abundant love.
Thanks again.
Thanks, Resa!